Creative Writing

Here you will find some of the exercises I have been set as part of my writers group. They are a useful challenge, get you out of your comfort zone and force you to write in a style, or about a subject you would not normally consider.

Exercise – write about a chaotic situation. 350-500 words

About Last Night

Pete returns to consciousness. Urgh! His mouth tastes of alcohol and sweat. His head pounds, his brain wants out, not prepared to put up with this regular weekend abuse. His hands cradle his head. Ohhh, please just stop hurting. Sunday is a day of rest and he intends to honour that singular bit of the scriptures with all the hungover religious fervour he can muster, nothing but tea and sympathy.

“Bing” (Text) “Sorry I had to leave early hun, but wife was expecting me home last night xxx.”

“What the fuck!” Wife!” Pete screws up his face, tries to remember. No, no, there were boobs, he definitely remembers boobs, there was no dick, he is sure there was no dick.

“Tring” (Phone) “Peter is that you, Peter! It’s your mother, your father has left me. The bastard, has been lying to me, been carrying on behind my back, Christine, that slut from the golf course. Peter…..can you hear me…..? I want you to come over at once”

“Yes mum. I can hear you, what do you mean dad has left you?”

“Tring” (Phone) “Hang on mum, someone on other line, I’ll just get rid of them…..Hello, who’s this?”

“Your bloody father of course, sorry, had to get new phone, your damm mother broke the other one…”

“Oh errr hello Dad, ummm I’ve got mum on the line at the moment…”

“Ohhh, errr, yes well. I had no choice, the mad old bat was driving me mad, come on over, I’m living in the beach hut, I’ll explain.”

“Ummm, hang on a minute Dad, ring you back in a minute…(click) Mum, you still there…….(silence). Oh fuck.” She has never got the hang of phones.

“Bing” (Text) “Hey lover, how you doin’ I had a great time. Never done that before, bet you hadn’t either 😊 😊 call me soon darling xxxx.”

“Jesus H Christ!” Pete sits up, head throbbing, not just from the excess ketones in his system. “What the fuck is happening?” He scowls at his phone, a malevolent object that has delivered instant chaos into his life.

“Bing” (Text) Reluctantly, like a moth to the flame, he looks, unable to refuse any communication, however dangerous or banal. “Hey Pete, brave move last night on twitter. Way to go bro. Wish I had the balls to say that about chief dick wad. All true. Kudos to you!” Dave.

“Fuck!” He looks at his feed (Following 28 Followers 168 Tweets 264) A one-hundred-and-forty-character rant about Douglas being an incompetent twat who wouldn’t understand a social media strategy if it offered to suck his dick. “Hah” well at least he won’t see that, the cretin hasn’t even got an account.

“Tring” (phone) “Ahhh hello Peter, Douglas here, took your advice from Friday’s meeting, got myself an account, started following a few people….see me Monday first thing….”

Pete throws the phone across the bedroom and draws the duvet back across his head. “Ohhh shit!”